ALL ROBIN

If you’ve been following my posts, I’ve been discussing the role that fantasies play in your love life.  If you need to catch up, just click ‘Sex’ under the categories.

So far we’ve established that communication and trust are essential to elevating your sex life to a different level, which is… bringing your fantasies into the bedroom.  I’ve offered some pointers in my previous posts of how to detect if your partner could be a willing participant in your grand scheme. If he or she talks freely about sex, it looks good.  If they seem a bit shy about it, you could have a pleasant surprise awaiting you and by this I mean, that it may take someone like you to bring out the beast within, so to speak.  Of course if your mate has brought up objections from time to time to such things as sexy clothing, platform shoes, dirty dancing, religion and worst yet, if he or she is a registered Republican, you might start looking elsewhere.

As everyone knows, one of the oldest forms of getting one to express their intermost thoughts and loosen up a bit is to start off with a few drinks.  I know that seems unfair, but if it works… it works.  A relaxed atmosphere is very beneficial…  not falling down drunk, just a mood enhanser. This isn’t first date night and you’re getting ready to advance this relationship to a new plateau, one at which you might remain for the duration.

By now you’ve probably had some intimacy with your partner.  If you haven’t, then you’re jumping ahead of yourself. 

During the course of the sex act you need to be aware of each other’s needs.  What is your partner’s likes or dislikes, favorite positions, what are they good at or need a little improvement and above all, are they quiet or verbal?  If your partner is quiet, then gently ask them if you’re doing something that makes them feel good.  Guys - if you’re receiving the best oral sex that you’ve ever gotten, tell her how good she is - and the same goes for girls.   If it’s good ladies, tell him.  If one of you is still somewhat shy, now is the time to press the issue just a bit.  Tell your partner that you enjoy your sex life, but you’ve always wanted to make it better.  If you have just performed well, you partner should be more than willing to respond.  And if they don’t?  You may be outta luck.  (If I’m working hard to please my man and I take great pride in doing it, I love when he compliments me).  This is where the ice is broken and if you’re both talking, you’re moving forward. 

One way to move forward with the fantasy phase is to take what your partner does best and use it.  For example, if your girl is good at oral sex and she enjoys it, then let her enjoy it even more…  in the car, outside, in the shower or wherever you desire.  Not only is this a fantasy of a lot of men, but you now have a willing partner.  Guys, let’s say during the course of having sex in the shower, tell her that it has always been your fantasy to have sex in the shower, that you’ve never done it.  Of course, if you have done it, pick another harmless stuation.

Girls reverse this situation.  If you like your man performing oral sex and he’s really good at it, keep it going. You have already established a sexual relationship, trust and communication as well, but you’re not at the ‘hot babe down the block’ scenario yet. 

If you still need a little more experimentation, here’s a good one to try…  Your man picks you up for dinner.  As he’s driving mention to him that you really enjoyed your last evening together and that he was so good that you have a special treat for him (remember, keep him wanting what you have).  Of course you’ll see a big smile come across his face as looks over at you.  You raise your dress up a little to show him that you’re going without panties that evening, just for him.  Then take his hand and show him just how ready you are as you give him your best devilish grin.  If he’s alive at all, this will drive him crazy and he’ll probably want to pull over right then.  But, you’re in control.  This just may be one of your fantasies…   making him wait.  Are you teasing him?  Yes, but in a good fashion.  All you have to do is simply say the words, “It’s always been a fantasy of mine to go without panties and it feels soooo good.” 

What have you just done? You’ve just brought up the idea of some of your fantasies while at the same time, living it out.  Did you have to mention it before hand?  It wouldn’t be fun then would it? No one enjoys scheduling a fantasy!  By this time, you’ve become comfortable and confident with your man.  By playing out this scene you’ve now taken your sexual relationship up a notch.  The phrase “my fantasy” has been brought out in the open and it’s no longer taboo anymore because not only have you mentioned it… you’ve performed it.

The key to everything I just mentioned is that in all of the above situations, there are a couple of important factors.  In the shower or driving to dinner, you’re playing and it’s fun, it’s really basically harmless, it adds a little bit of nasty to it and above all, it brings both of you together to possibly open up the lines of communication to discuss other fantasies you might have.

I’ll continue later.

It has been quite noticeable for a few years that the adult industry has an obsession with anal insertions.  On many sites featuring video downloads you’ll find that the majority of videos will feature butt action.  Why is this and where do they find this many girls who agree to it?

For some men, a visit through the back door is the ultimate power trip over a woman, because there is not much more you can do to a girl after she’s been subjected to a “good ass fuckin’.”  Of course most women who allow this for a video shoot probably receive a little more cash than the basic sex $$.  I’ve watched hundreds of videos and am really pretty amazed at the ability of thousands of girls, especially in their teens or early twenties, to withstand such repetitive force in this one particular zone.  I’m not a doctor, but I have to wonder what will come of a young anal queen as she reaches her forties and well beyond.  Will she be able to function normally…  or even withstand a normal sneeze in public?  If there’s any doctors out there, please let me know what you think.

Please don’t get me wrong, coming through the backdoor every so often is fine, but the trend we’re seeing in recent videos is pushing the envelope or the ’sphincter’ so to speak. A quality nasty video is one thing, but girls, when you’re opening up and showing me your colon or even more to the point where I can tell if you’ve had your tonsils removed, I must say that the sexiness in you seems to fade.  I know that the guys love it and I know that the girls get paid for it, but can we just kinda pull back a little on those gaping, cavernous shots?

In my previous post on fantasies I talked about the good and the bad… mostly the good.  As I mentioned earlier, I’m a firm believer that if you can make your sex life better and it doesn’t hurt you or your partner, either emotionally or physically, then you should be using all the tools you can muster to achieve this goal.  But, what about acting out those fantasies?  This is where (in most cases) we’ll separate those with a strong relationship with their partner from those who don’t.  Playing out your fantasies in a healthy manner takes confidence and communication.  Let me also state before I go any further, that I’m not a sex therapist and if you have any problems with this this post, then I’d advise you to stop and go on to another post.

What if only one of you wishes to play out a fantasy?  I recommend quickly putting on the brakes and discussing the situation.  Believe me, if both of you aren’t in to whatever each of your desires might be, there could be trouble in paradise. For example - Many times, a lot of men with vivid imaginations wish to see their wife or girlfriend engage in a bisexual romp with the hot girl down the street.  If your boyfriend or husband hasn’t brought up this subject to you yet, then you might want to check him for a pulse.  This fantasy is probably the best known and often most requested.  Should you actually consider it?  Some women might find this suggestion repulsive and be completely turned off.  That’s where communication and timing come into play.  Of course I can’t make this decision for you.  This post is only intended to make you think about the possibilities. In my next post I’ll give some hints for both sexes on how to approach and handle this girl-on-girl request.

You may already realize that one of the keys to great sex, in my opinion, is knowing when to keep a fantasy just a fantasy. You may take the next step or drop it altogether.  That’s why I said before approaching this subject that it takes confidence and lots of communication.  For some, this fantasy idea can be a minefield full of suspicion, hurt feelings and could possibly lead to separation.  Naturally, we don’t want any of that, but rather, we want a healthy, fully-charged sex life full of passion and love. If you have a comment, please don’t be shy and let me know and please try to keep it clean.Lastly, always remember - those who tell you that you can’t do something are always those who can’t do it themselves.  Just forget about the saying, “Those who can’t… teach.”  That’s definitely not true here!

Ever need a little sexy advice?  I’m definitely not a doctor, nor a so-called expert in this field, but life experience has sure handed me a few tidbits of know-how in the bedroom dept.  Please don’t be shy, you’re among friends here and you can never ask a stupid question.  The only thing stupid would be to not ask anyone and keep doing it wrong your whole life and missing out on a lot of true sexual joy.  All I ask is that your questions remain respectful and my answers will do the same. Kisses…  Robin